Wild and Free

 

It's a love-hate relationship.  I love the way poppies grow all over - swaying every which way with colorful blooms at the end that stand out above the green.  But I hate the way the green look like weeds - messy, straggly and looking out of control.  I admire it's wildness and freedom but am annoyed by it at the same time.  Sometimes I think that reflects my life - I want to feel that spontaneity but hate feeling out of control.  

Always be prepared, do everything perfect and don't make mistakes.  Those were the mantras in my head growing up.  My threshold for feeling out of control was very low so trying to apply these to life  created a lot of anxiety, doubt and a comfortable homebody that feared taking risks and making mistakes.  

I want to plan and be ready so that I'm not caught off guard; I want to know what will happen and how to prepare for things so I don't make mistakes.  Not taking risks closes doors to possibilities but making mistakes are part of growing and becoming resilient.  Flexibility - I know there's a healthy balance in the middle somewhere.

Having kids definitely forced me to more flexible.  As they became independent, they had opinions different from me and showed me opportunities to try different ways of doing things even though it made me anxious or question them.  My kids helped me learn to be flexible.  When I just wanted to stay home and have them play in a controlled environment (at home), they gave me courage to go out and find a park, a playground, the beach, a garden.

Marrying someone who lives with spontaneity and who is not afraid to make mistakes showed me how freeing it was to grow from mistakes and not be condemned by them.  Re-ordering my priorities helped me balance being prepared and when to be spontaneous so I could be present.  He showed me how the kids could play games on a drive so they would be distracted from boredom and asking "When will we get there?"  He showed them how to be a part of our daily life even though things would take longer to finish because it wasn't the task itself that mattered - it was the journey.

Prioritize the things that matter - Jesus said in Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ...your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well..."

Be wise and prepared for the things that matter - Proverbs 6:6-7 says "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!  It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.."  This verse seems contradictory to Matthew but hard work and diligence in responsibilities teach us discipline - intentional training for life!  It's not in the worry, it's the mindset of why we do things.  Ephesians 5:15-17 says "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Trust in God - when I take steps of faith for the things that matter, He is faithful.  Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make straight your paths."

God can miraculously transform.  When I feel God prompting me to do something but I feel insecure taking the necessary steps to act, I remember how God led me step by step to depend on Him fully.  When things don't go the way I plan and I start to feel out of control, I remember Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalm 23 - my Shepherd leads me, restores me, comforts me, and is with me.  He is with me on my journey.  In answered prayers, God grows my faith even more.  

So in the midst of structure and plans, I'm giving myself room for spontaneity.  Learning to trust God's leading, I'm reminded that I can be free to try new things.  I can be free to not plan every little detail and enjoy wherever God places me.  If God places me there, maybe God will allow me to see His purpose and His blessings through it.  This is the process of sanctification - my continual journey of learning and moving forward.

{ART} Poppies wild and free - watercolor, based on Watercolor Poppies by Lisa (IG: blue.lisart)

Painted this on 3.17.2022 - one of the cherished moments daughter and I spent time creating art together.  I remember feeling afraid to paint right on the canvas - afraid to make a mistake.  But art is never perfect.  When making mistakes, I like that I can transform a mistake into an intentional part of the work.  God does that with us, too.